Soul Patch

Work Experience

• The Lottman Residence, Guardian of the Bathroom

  2019–Present

  Responsible for alerting household residents that the bathroom faucet is not running, and sounding loud alarms to ensure the problem is addressed immediately. Provided taste-testing services for the water from the bathroom faucet, or the rim of the faucet itself if no one has responded to the no-running-water alarm in a while.

• The Lottman Residence, Tuna Taste Tester

  2018–Present

  Ready at the first twist of a can opener, Soul Patch has bravely guarded the household from tuna that might be poisonous. While no poison tuna has been identified yet, you can never be too cautious.

• Consultant at Large, Napping

  2010–Present

  Studiously reported for duty for naps in several prime locations each day, including the couch, the bed, the desk, the top of the furnace vent, the back of the couch, and more. Lead workshops on gentle snoring for the edification of the entire household. Will not nap on the kitchen counters, because that's illegal, and Soul Patch is Good Boy.